My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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