you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
