i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
