New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
