i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
