I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
