did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
