no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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