I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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