this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
