I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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