Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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