I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
