They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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