Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
