I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
