two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
