I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
