I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
