Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
