I puked a lego.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
