My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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