your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
