i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
