I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
