i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
so much tequila, so little girl.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
