I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
