I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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