You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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