Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
