It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
why do cheetos always look like penises
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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