census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
