She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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