I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My liver just had a heart attack.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
