You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
