Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
