Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
