So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
