I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
