Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
