Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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