Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
