singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
