Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
