If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You took a bar mat shot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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