when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
