good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
