And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
