Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
