The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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