She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
