were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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