next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
