i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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