you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
